Principle 7: Be a Good Listener. Encourage Others to Talk about Themselves

To be a good conversationalist, you need to be an attentive listener. Take genuine interest in people, ask questions that they will enjoy answering and listen attentively. Encourage people to share about themselves and their achievements; share yours only if they ask.

• From Strangers in Love by Jack Woodford: "few human beings are proof against the implied flattery of rapt attention." Combine this with hearty approbation and lavish praise.
• Don't argue with angry people. Listen and let them get their anger out. It will fade afterward.

Most of us are so concerned with what we are going to say next that we don't truly listen when someone else is speaking. Yet, most people would prefer a good listener to a good talker.

Remember that the people we are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their own problems than they are in us and our problems.

Practice Principle 7

Next time you have a conversation, pay attention to how much of the conversation is you talking vs. the other person talking. How much listening are you doing?

Aim to do 75% listening and 25% talking.

As you practice this, pay attention to what causes you to jump in with more talking. Are you filling awkward silences? Do you tend to get carried away when you tell stories or share ideas? Think of some ways you can encourage the other person to do more of the sharing.