Principle 14: Get the Other Person Saying "yes, yes" Immediately

When someone says "No", it triggers a series of neuro-muscular responses that puts him on the defensive, while saying "Yes" keeps him open and accepting. Hence, if possible, keep your opponent from saying "No". Instead, use the Socratic approach - ask a series of questions to which your components will reply "Yes" to.

When talking with people, we should never begin with the points on which we disagree. We should start by emphasizing the things on which we agree, and be sure to convey that we're both striving for the same result - our differences are in method, but not purpose.

The key is to keep our opponent from saying "no," as this is a very difficult sentiment to overcome. As soon as someone says "no," all of her pride rests upon her being consistent with that "no." When a person says "no," she immediately withdraws herself and guards against acceptance.

What we want to do instead is get the person saying "yes" as soon as possible. This starts the person moving in the affirmative direction where no withdrawal takes place. Our opponent now has a very accepting, open attitude.

[Socrates] kept on asking questions until finally, almost without realizing it, his opponents found themselves embracing a conclusion they would have bitterly denied a few minutes previously.

Practice Principle 14

Next time you find yourself in disagreement with someone, challenge yourself to get them to agree with you on at least two things before you each share your perspectives.

For example, you could begin with:

"The goal of this meeting is to decide on the best way to onboard new customers to minimize frustration with the product, correct?"

or

"We both want Johnny to feel comfortable in his social environment at school, right?"

Pointing out early on that you share the same ultimate goals will help start the conversation with a more agreeable tone.