Principle 22: Begin with Praise and Honest Appreciation

Praising someone sincerely builds their confidence and sets a positive foundation for them to receive feedback on potential areas of improvement. It is like the dentist administering local anaesthetic before drilling, to dull the pain.

It's much easier to listen to unpleasant things after we've been praised for our good points. That's why the first step to changing people without offending them is to begin with appreciation for their strengths.

For example, if a colleague writes a speech for a conference that we feel is too lengthy or inappropriate for that particular audience, we might start by complimenting her speech and noting that it would make for a great blog post.

We could point out a few reasons it would be better suited for a written post than a speech, but chances are that even from our first mention, she'll come to realize our point. Because we told her it would be a great fit for something else, she's not offended that we thought it was a bad fit for the conference.

Practice Principle 22

The key is an age-old technique called a 'criticism sandwich.' When you're going to offer negative feedback, start with a compliment. Then segue into the meat and potatoes: the criticism. Finally, and more importantly, part ways with another positive compliment.

As Jonah Berger, Wharton professor and New York Times best-selling author, puts it, "It's amazing what a little positive at the beginning and end can do."