Principle 18: Be Sympathetic with the Other Person's Ideas and Desires

To get others to be sympathetic to your points of view, you need to first be sympathetic with theirs. Remember that just because their views are different from yours doesn't mean they are wrong. A good line to turn hostility into friendliness and good will is this: "I don't blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do." When we are open to others, we have a better chance of winning them over.

The great thing about this phrase is that we can say it and be 100% sincere, because if we were the other person, faced with her situation, problems, needs, desires, etc., we would indeed see things just as she does.

If someone feels negatively toward us, once we begin apologizing and sympathizing with their point of view, they will begin apologizing and sympathizing with our point of view.

Everyone wants to feel understood and have their troubles and opinions recognized. Use this to turn hostility into friendliness.

Practice Principle 18

Next time you approach a disagreement with someone, take a moment to imagine yourself in their shoes. If you were that person:

• What sort of pressures would you be working under?
• What would your goals and priorities be?
• What sort of relationships do you have with the other people involved?

Show the other person that you genuinely understand their perspective, by saying things like, "I completely understand why you see it that way," or, "I know it would be helpful for you if ..."