Principle 26: Let the Other Person Save Face

Rather than threatening, belittling, or directly finding fault, make an effort to protect the other person's dignity with kind and understanding words. Assure them of their value and give them the confidence to do better next time.

When we disagree with someone, even if we are right and he is definitely wrong, we only destroy his ego by causing him to lose face.

Carnegie offers an example of an accountant whose business was mostly seasonal. As a result, every year he had to let a lot of employees go once the tax rush was over. He began by sitting each down and explaining, "Of course, you understood you were only employed for the busy season…" but naturally, he was met with disappointment.

He then decided to begin the conversation by instead telling each employee how valuable he or she had been to the organization, and pointing out specific qualities that he appreciated in them. The result? The employees walked away knowing that if the business had been able to keep them on, they would have, and they felt much better about themselves.

We are so quick to criticize that we seldom offer others the opportunity to save face, especially when a considerate word or two and a genuine understanding of the other person's attitude is all it would take to alleviate the sting.

Practice Principle 26

When you have to deliver a decision or information that will cause negative feelings, think about how you can make the person feel good about himself first.

Avoid delivering negative feedback in front of others or setting up a situation that will be embarrassing for the person. Think to yourself, "If I were him, how would I like to hear this news?" and design your environment and your approach accordingly.